Sometimes my mind gets confused and I really don't know what's going on in my life. Now is kind of like that.

It's been a really long time since I've visited.  A lot of things have gone on...  Still working for the grimlins though.  I've decided they don't get to redirect my life.  I am the captain (or someone who likes me is) and that's that.

Bought a used car which I'm regreting in some ways.  All the financial stuff that goes along with just drags the whole thing down.  I think I just today (3 weeks after signing) have managed to get everything in order.  I'm not saying this purchase was at all anything like what I expected.  Next time I'll go in with eyes open and will not have these hassles.  Number one I won't be doing any sign your life away for 3 years.  Number two I won't be "not" doing a trade in.

The other day I woke up and somehow felt like if I didn't start living I never would.  So I made one goal.  I'm going to start saving up for a trip of a lifetime.  It's not that I never go anywhere it's just I never am in control of where I'm going.  This is going to be my trip.  If someone wants to tag along that's fine but I'm planning my route the way I want and I'm not letting other people sway me in my goal.  I'm also not letting the shear size of my adventure get in the way.  It is a long term goal.

I'm calling it the.... crap I forgot the name.  :(

Anyway I'm going to take a leave from work in a couple of years and do this trip.  You can imagine it as a back packing threw Europe adventure but it's not really backpacking cause I'm planning on flying into one country and using the rail system to get to another.  Plus I figure I will be meeting up with my German friends somewhere along the way.  My trip to Germany was in 2003 and it's been a long time.  My trip will cost 10000 dollars.  If you want to donate to me I'd be glad cause it'll probably take me 4 or 5 years to save up all the cash and I'm not looking forward to working my butt off as it is.

I think I was calling it "My Big European Getaway".

Anyway I haven't made all my ideas solid yet but I have years to work on it to get it all right.  A definite will be England, France, Germany....  I am wanting to also go to Italy, Norway, Spain and Poland.  It's a bit spread out which is why I need like 2 months of leave to work it.  It's a floating in my head type thing at the moment.

I also found out yesturday at my doctors appointment that I'm probably going threw early menopause.  Which means I wasted my child bearing years and will forever be alone in life.....  that's what my asshole side is telling me anyway.  My rational side realizes that I never was good with kids and have no patience.  And I probably didn't have all the parts working to begin with.  My family history with reproductive parts ain't good anyway.  Still my mind morns the babies that didn't get made.  Chocolate will fix all.

Speaking of Schokolate.  I am trying to learn German again.  It's like my 3rd time to try this.  I'm horrible with languages and can not remember or pronounce things well.  But I found an app that I like and it's working to help me along.  I'm not understanding tenses but I can get the jist of what's going on if I know the basic words.  I guess I'm doing better.

That is all.