September 6, 2014
I so very rarely write anymore. It’s not just this place that keeps me from writing… I still don’t like the set up. I will not get use to it. It feels more like work than fun when I see the lay out. Now I will quit my bitching and move on to what I intended to write before I became distracted by the funky lay out.
I very rarely write at all. I use to write everyday (sometimes multiple posts… poems the daily activities and just general thoughts).
Now I feel like I am struggling all the time to survive my daily dealings with people and yet have no way to vent or reach out to anyone to explain why it’s this way. I do need to write. I need to talk it out and get it down on paper. It doesn’t even matter if it gets read (thought sometimes it’s nice to see a comment).
It feels like I have “flash” thoughts lately.
My nerves are shot. I strange sound from a nearby phone and I’ve jumped half a foot in the air to hover (what was that foreign sound). Hands shaking for no reason trying to look something up for a customer (work issues). Or someone looking over my shoulder as I work a phone (I hate phone problems).
I made it to my goal at work. 15 years. They can fire me anytime now and I wouldn’t be surprised or care (well I’d care a little). I wonder what it would be like to “start over”. Would it be as difficult as they are making it for me now?
I think about things like what is it like to actually know someone? How come we choose certain people to be our friends? Is there just a mental connection, physical, or electrical? I mean how come we like what we like? Is it just the easy thing to do?
I’m actually thinking about buying a new mattress that cost 4000 dollars. Why because it felt so good and I spend most of my time in bed anyway. It sits up and vibrates. Wait a minute what was I talking about again?????