September 6, 2014

  • I so very rarely write anymore.  It’s not just this place that keeps me from writing… I still don’t like the set up.  I will not get use to it.  It feels more like work than fun when I see the lay out.  Now I will quit my bitching and move on to what I intended to write before I became distracted by the funky lay out.

    I very rarely write at all.  I use to write everyday (sometimes multiple posts… poems the daily activities and just general thoughts).

    Now I feel like I am struggling all the time to survive my daily dealings with people and yet have no way to vent or reach out to anyone to explain why it’s this way.  I do need to write.  I need to talk it out and get it down on paper.  It doesn’t even matter if it gets read (thought sometimes it’s nice to see a comment).

    It feels like I have “flash” thoughts lately.

    My nerves are shot.  I strange sound from a nearby phone and I’ve jumped half a foot in the air to hover (what was that foreign sound).  Hands shaking for no reason trying to look something up for a customer (work issues).  Or someone looking over my shoulder as I work a phone (I hate phone problems).

    I made it to my goal at work.  15 years.  They can fire me anytime now and I wouldn’t be surprised or care (well I’d care a little).  I wonder what it would be like to “start over”.  Would it be as difficult as they are making it for me now?

    I think about things like what is it like to actually know someone?  How come we choose certain people to be our friends?  Is there just a mental connection, physical, or electrical?  I mean how come we like what we like?  Is it just the easy thing to do?

    I’m actually thinking about buying a new mattress that cost 4000 dollars.  Why because it felt so good and I spend most of my time in bed anyway.  It sits up and vibrates.  Wait a minute what was I talking about again?????


Comments (4)

  • It is good to see you again.

    What is it like actually to know someone? It seems to me this is the main charm of Xanga. You can read someone’s thoughts from two years ago, then a week later, then — week by week — you get the complete picture.


  • hugs

  • so … we ~~~ meet again in Xland … good questions love

  • I only had one close friend in my life. I have been more of a loner than many realize.. I guess having an active wife counts.

    I know you struggle and I did because I was and am a passive people pleaser. That leaves me with resentments, but it is my fault.

    Nice seeing you post.



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