I so very rarely write anymore.  It's not just this place that keeps me from writing... I still don't like the set up.  I will not get use to it.  It feels more like work than fun when I see the lay out.  Now I will quit my bitching and move on to what I intended to write before I became distracted by the funky lay out.

I very rarely write at all.  I use to write everyday (sometimes multiple posts... poems the daily activities and just general thoughts).

Now I feel like I am struggling all the time to survive my daily dealings with people and yet have no way to vent or reach out to anyone to explain why it's this way.  I do need to write.  I need to talk it out and get it down on paper.  It doesn't even matter if it gets read (thought sometimes it's nice to see a comment).

It feels like I have "flash" thoughts lately.

My nerves are shot.  I strange sound from a nearby phone and I've jumped half a foot in the air to hover (what was that foreign sound).  Hands shaking for no reason trying to look something up for a customer (work issues).  Or someone looking over my shoulder as I work a phone (I hate phone problems).

I made it to my goal at work.  15 years.  They can fire me anytime now and I wouldn't be surprised or care (well I'd care a little).  I wonder what it would be like to "start over".  Would it be as difficult as they are making it for me now?

I think about things like what is it like to actually know someone?  How come we choose certain people to be our friends?  Is there just a mental connection, physical, or electrical?  I mean how come we like what we like?  Is it just the easy thing to do?

I'm actually thinking about buying a new mattress that cost 4000 dollars.  Why because it felt so good and I spend most of my time in bed anyway.  It sits up and vibrates.  Wait a minute what was I talking about again?????