I'm very much tired of the nay Sayers on fb concerning xanga. I wish I could turn that portion off and keep the good posters but it all or nothing. I've never seen a group of people act so childish wanting a company to go down just bc they get attention.
Month: July 2013
The relatives are finally gone. And I feel like I might be forever in a mental spiral from learning too many family secrets in one 2 minute period. One 2 minute conversation with my crazy aunt left my head spinning. I'm pretty sure she wasn't suppose to mention anything she said but hell when your telling one secret why not spill 15 or 20 right back to back.
I've had no time to do any of my weekly chores and will probably get stuck doing my laundry middle of the week.
Feeling like the family antisocial introvert weirdo AGAIN.
Just dreamed that my friend Kim was going to help solve my crime with her forensic investigation skills.
Somehow this guy kept showing up with a few lines of poetry would flash himself then disappear.
I ended up in the shower of a large hotel with a lot of unused hair clogging the drain. She saw so much evidence she thought my crime was faked but it was real all along. She finally gave me a chance and started to investigate the crime.
The minute she disappeared was the moment the people would start quoting poems at my door again. I worried he was after her then me then her then me.
It freaked me out.
It's been a rough few hours. I've been hiding from eradic relatives. It's been pretty tense at times.
I remember when I had my stint in a mental facility when I was in high school. I don't know if I was ever as "crazy" as my aunt has seemed today.
At one point I seriously thought she might stab someone. She seems very negative and in a very dark and cloudy place.
I know we aren't suppose to compare ourselves to others but even in my darkest days I've never been homicidal. That I can be thankful for at least.
One more day...
Last night I took a Xanax to help me sleep. It helped me relax but sleep did not come. I got enough to feel normal though but around 3pm my face started to vibrate (my only expression for this feeling). I think it was high sugar combined with no sleep. Only one issue at work today.
I really feel like the world is turning into a 2 class system. The workers and those that are entitled. And they don't need workers anymore. Computers do everything now. So I'm just waiting for the enevitable strike...
I'm a bit paranoid lately.
I was pulled into the office again today. It's probably been 3 weeks since I was pulled into the office. The time before that was probably 5 or 6 years ago. They are probably going to fire me soon. Anyway this time another associate complained that I was not getting along with someone else in the department Nd it was disruptive to the work environment etc.
they wanted to know what was going on so I explained that this morning I was grumpy when I came in and that the associate sat down beside me and started complaining about everything (I didn't say what but it was her butt itching first then her dog might be put down then what injured them to begin with and etc on and in and on). I told her I didn't care. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. I told her to leave me alone. Another associate told me to tell her to get over it and I told them that wouldn't work for me I'd get in trouble if I said that and later on cornered again I actually did say it and sure enough as soon as the person leaves I get pulled into the office.
I don't know what to do anymore. This person seems to walk on water and any controversy come out squeaky clean.
I'm not good at controversy and explaining myself. I am who I am. I tell it like it is and evidentially to make it in this world you have to be slick like a snake.
I have no idea what to do. I have no idea where I'm going. I never have. And lately it's seemed my world is falling apart. I know it isn't but it seems to be. My family is fragmented. My work is daily controversy. My friends are far away and many times I feel disconnected.
I guess that's all.
Last night I dreamed my face was cracking. I had small fractures along my cheeks and had to use a makeup/ointment on my face to try to cover them. There was a guy (a salesman I suppose) who kept coming over to "help" me with the makeup. I wondered if at the end of the procedure if I was going to have bright red lipstick as well.