Last night I dreamed I was trying to escape. I was running from these men and they kept catching up and I'd have to get help to loose them again. I ended up in a hospital and had to make a very daring escape. In reality all I had to do was walk out but with mission impossible theme song in the background it seemed much more exciting.
I hate nights before going back to work. I barely sleep and its most uncomfortable.
Back to work for me today. 7-2. Love short days when work sucks.

So the last two days, other than watching a little tv and listening to some music, I've been cleaning up for company.

I'll never be perfect but I have to pretend like I am because of sooo many reasons. I'm a failure in all things. Don't even let me lie to you and tell you my life is everything I wanted. It's a shell of what it could be. Empty and with echoes of what could have been.
I could write a book on expectations.... Should dos... And donts...
But what I want can't ever be so I make the most of what I have.

Feeling pathetic today. Life isn't turning out like it should. Having a pity party today.

It worries me that an entire world turned their back on innocent people.
I've been watching a documentary on Auschwitz (probably spelled that wrong). I would hope something like that would never happen again but as human nature is what it is it probably will one day.
I started off by reading Alicia:My story. Learned so much I didn't know before. I mean I wasn't in the dark before but some stuff just didn't click I guess.
I imagine now if someone said I had to register because (say all Christians have to) that I would be smart enough now to say no and hide. And if someone came to the house to say I have to relocate I'd escape. Or if I got a free trip out of state I'd run. Etc.
I don't know. It's like everyone was crazy. Even the people who helped stop it didn't want the Jews. Can't imagine. I really just can't imagine.

I was sitting in the back of the vehicle with my friend with my music blasting threw my earphones (fun playing that song about a lion eating his girlfriend).
Mom was in the front my friend beside me and daddy driving. I was daydreaming about zombies when a policeman came out from the medium and tried to stop the flow of traffic. We were speeding pretty quickly on the interstate and the vehicle that just passed us moment before kept swerving back and forth ahead of us and went diving off the road into a ditch and tree bank.
Daddy was trying to avoid them and stop but its like we could stop quick enough. I kept hearing stop stop stop stop stop going so loudly in my mind stop stop stop stop. And the vehicle kept going no matter what I heard no matter what he did. We kept going speeding out of control.
I was so scared.
Then up ahead a huge tree had fallen and large branches kept coming and daddy put up his hand to his face in case one came in threw the window since the car couldn't stop. Some how we slowed and then the diesel truck behind us was the threat. He couldn't stop. The breaks were locked up and I thought we were going to get sandwhiched in.
We all slowed though and then daddy said the vehicles wheels had locked up.
I told him to pull over because I needed a moment to recover. A moment by myself without traffic.

This morning one of my casual work friends was acting weird. I think he was just hanging out to try to become more than casual friends. I'm really not sure though. I have BAD radar with these things. Anyway if that what he's up to I'm really not interested.
In fact I haven't been too interested in anyone with the last few years.
Don't get me wrong I have my moments when I'd rather not be single but the hassle is too much.
Maybe I just don't want to share. Maybe I'm just too selfish? I don't know. Maybe I'm just meant to be single.

If I'm in a bad mood so often it's bc I have reasons. A dysfunction family filled with idiots and a job where I have to jump threw flaming poop filled hoops.
My cousin is an idiot this time. If your afraid your significant other might kill your dog don't flea to him in the middle of the night the day before your family tries to get your stuff back from the asshole. If hell kill your dog why wouldn't he do the same to you.
And company at work. Tuck in your shirts and carry a rag on you at all times.
I don't have time for this shit.

Woke up at 4 am feeling icky. I think I'm coming down with something. Just my body hasn't decided what should be sick. General body aches a head ache and tiredness.
Other than feeling bad I'm feeling blessed for all my friends and family being safe during the storm yesturday. Only one really close call and he and his family are all fine even his animals. It feels good to "survive".

My home town had a tornado go down its Main Street today. Glad all my friends and family are ok. The video I watched freaked me out. I'm feeling slightly panicked even though everyone's ok. Maybe I should take a Xanax? Or just work threw the anxiety on my own? Ill try well see.